To Change or Not to Change: Marriage, Names, and Modern Identity
Dedicated to my cousin who got married this summer!
In April 2025, YouGov released data on how a sample of the
British public believes married couples should choose their married name. Like
many other Western countries, Britain has traditionally followed a naming
pattern in which, in a heterosexual relationship, the wife adopts her husband’s
surname as her own. However, there has been a slow growth in naming choices away
from surnames in the patriarchal tradition. In this post, I outline these
changing attitudes and posit why changing your name is unnecessary.
The YouGov Data
As part of the survey, participants were asked whether they
viewed each option as positive, negative, don’t know or neither positive nor
negative. They were provided with the following options: a woman taking their
spouse’s surname, a couple both keeping their original surnames, a couple
combining their names into a double-barrelled one, a man taking their spouse’s
surname, a couple taking each other’s surname as middle names, and a couple
combining surnames into a new one.
Amongst the data published by YouGov, there is a clear divide
in the options posed by men and women. Women aged 18 to 34 were overwhelmingly positive
about every option provided by the survey. Men aged 18 to 34 were positive for 3 of the 6 options. Men viewed ‘a woman taking their spouse’s
surname’ with 56% in favour, followed by ‘a couple both keeping their
original surnames’ at 19%, and lastly viewed ‘a couple combining their names
into a double-barrelled one’ at 14%. Interestingly, women of the same age
bracket viewed a woman taking their spouse’s surname with 42% in favour, showing
a difference of 14%. Between the two sexes and the age categories of this example,
there may be traditional ideas still permeating.
Compared to the younger generation, older men and women were
less likely to favour ‘a man taking their spouse’s surname’. Women aged 65+ negatively
viewed this by 10% as opposed to men aged 65+, who saw it as a 27% unfavorability.
This was just a 3% difference between this option and the option for ‘a couple
combining surnames into a single new surname’ – a category all men aged 18 to
65+ were negative on.
In addition, all men asked were against taking their spouse's
surname. Men aged 18-34 and 34-49 had 3 and 4% negative responses,
respectively. Meanwhile, their 50- 64-year-old counterparts rejected the idea
by 18%, over four times as many as the two earlier age groups. It is clear that
there are some ideas, such as identity, that men are not willing to part with.
Double-Barrelled Last Names: Women Reclaiming Identity
So, the question is: If men do not want to take their
partners' last names, why are women expected to?
No matter how we read the data, the preference for women adopting their partner’s surname remains strongest among men. It was the most popular
choice amongst all age groups and categories offered. For women aged 18-34, the
most popular option was to double-barrel their last name with their partners. The most popular option for women aged 35- 65+ was to take their spouses’ last
name. This is in line with the expectations of men aged 18-34 and could suggest
that these men have female figures in their lives from the 35- 65+ category who
may have influenced their perceptions of what is acceptable as a choice. There
is, as such, a divide between young people (aged 18-34) in how naming should be
approached with marriage.
Marriage As Transactional
Throughout history, women and marriage have often been seen
in a transactional light. As a history student, let me indulge in an example: elite families often orchestrated marriages in medieval society to secure loyalty
and protection. For instance, Emma of Normandy was married to King Cnut in 1017
after the death of her first husband. This was a marriage of strategic purpose.
Cnut was Danish and needed a queen to settle alliances between the Angles and the
Normans. The Anglo-Saxon Chronicle in Version C recalls that Emma was “fetched”
for Cnut. By securing this marriage, these relations were confirmed, and
ensuring they were recorded in a court document, such as the chronicle,
indicates their significance.
Now, despite the example of elite marriage, such as Emma’s,
indicating the transactional nature of marriage, the idea of women assuming their
spouses’ last name has often been entrenched in the patriarchy. The symbolism
of walking the bride down the aisle and giving her away also has its roots in
patriarchy and ownership. It acts as the passing of the bride from her family
to her husband and his family. The transferring of last names in this scenario
seems to make sense.
Marriage is deeply rooted in tradition, so doesn’t it make sense to follow this in naming tradition, too? For the modern woman, it
seems not.
Why Might Women Not Wish to Change Their Last Name?
As an only child – I mean if you couldn’t work it out based
on the fact I am sitting writing this on a Monday evening instead of
tormenting my parents or a sibling – there is an apparent reason for me. My
parents have no other children, and I am female. According to traditional
naming standards, if I were to marry, I should give up my last name and adopt
my spouse’s. However, in my scenario, part of me wishes to preserve my identity
and that of my family. It’s a personal matter for many, and for me, it goes beyond just being an only child. My aunt on my dad’s side has no children. Therefore, I am one of the few people continuing the family on
this side. As such, I feel immense pressure to maintain my name.
Now, I know the above example is particularly personal, but it shows the growing challenges of a one-child generation. Reproductive
rates in Britain and much of the Western world have declined recently. The
total fertility rate in England and Wales is 1.44 children (as per Office for
National Statistics data 2023). This has decreased from past years and will likely continue as people have children later in life. The possibility of children being only children is now higher, and these children will have to decide if they adopt their partner’s last name or maintain their own to keep their family legacy.
Furthermore, the rise of the ‘professional’ woman has seen
many women choose to keep their names. As one of my friends commented, their
mum – a University Professor – decided to keep her last name. This could have
been influenced by a desire to maintain the professional identity and
authorship she would have built up through her publications. Choosing
her identity in her relationship and professional setting must have been
difficult. Other women, such as one of my school teachers, went by one name at school and another in her home life. This seems to be a balance, but creates
two forms of identity that we seemingly have to accept if we wish to be one
thing in one context and legally another.
The Takeaway
Whilst more young men than women believe their spouse should
adopt their last name, the modern woman has more options. Marriage is
a partnership, and both parties should agree upon the decision. One should not
feel more pressured than the other to adopt or conform for the sake of the
other. If we were to ask men to change their last names, because it was
expected, how much would they enjoy the process of completing paperwork,
changing their name, reintroducing themselves and reshaping their identities? The modern woman has much to consider when she decides how to approach her name in marriage, and as such, we should celebrate this choice, not condemn it. Young
men and women must engage in conversation and change the rhetoric surrounding
this patriarchal tradition for the promotion of equality of identity in the future.
Sources:
2.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/worklife/article/20200921-why-do-women-still-change-their-names
3. https://www.oxforddnb.com/display/10.1093/ref:odnb/9780198614128.001.0001/odnb-9780198614128-e-8794
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